Heart Shaped Stone

a one year old baby Catholic with a Rosary and she's not afraid to use it

Too shy to pray (or, Jesus as an eighth grade football player) April 12, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 9:39 pm

(Without some kind of framework, this would make absolutely no sense, so please excuse the inevitable imperfections…)

I heard this song yesterday, found the CD today, and pretty much flipped out over how awesome the words are all the way home:

Son of Man, Great I AM, King of Heaven, Son of God
You hold the measure of my days
Holy Lamb, Spotless Lamb, You are worthy, I am not
Before Your throne I stand amazed

(Matchless by Aaron Shust)

It made me stop in my tracks.

I think part of why I didn’t pursue a relationship with God sooner is because I felt intimidated. Completely. It has taken me the better part of a year to get over that, writing journal entries, reading a lot, reading about your faith journeys on your blogs, especially as of lately… But right now, I think God and I are pretty comfortable each other. When I say that, I mean I don’t feel anxious about talking to him, I don’t constantly try to impress him or hide from him when I think I’ve done something wrong (anymore). Maybe I’ve finally realized that he isn’t going to beat me over the head with a stick if I’m not perfect, and that he really is amazingly loving and awesome. I can plop down in his lap with a book and read until I can’t keep my eyes open, and instead of getting onto me for falling asleep, he makes sure I’m not afraid of the dark (or rather, what could – and has been – in it).

I’m not as familiar with Jesus as I am with my Father. I think I barely know him at all, actually, and with Easter coming up and all the majorly huge stuff going on then, that’s a problem. I really sort of need to work on that.

So imagine it this way: you’re a girl in first grade, and there’s this boy who goes to your school. He’s an eighth grader, he’s cute in the way you would think someone is cute at age 7, and you’ve heard that he’s really nice to everyone. Maybe he’s a football player. You’ve seen him at school a few times, and perhaps you’ve heard him talking about stuff with his friends and you can tell he’s really smart.

It’s not a crush in the junior high sense; it’s not like you “like” him, but you look up to him. You’re just so intimidated by how much older and smarter he is than you are, and what eighth grade boy would be nice to a first grader? Wouldn’t he just make fun of you?

To top all of that, he rides your bus, and you get off the bus before he does, so you walk past him every day. And he notices you. You don’t know that, of course – or maybe you do! – but he does. He knows that you look up to him and you want to get to know him. He wants to get to know you too. (Of course, this is no ordinary eighth grader we’re talking about here.)

So what do you do? Talk to your friends and the other people on your bus (your girlfriends! Hello Catholic sorority sisters!), and then you eavesdrop on what he and his buddies are talking about. Scoot up a few seats on the bus over the next few days. And maybe, if you have the courage – which I don’t but I wish I did right now – you plop down in the seat he always sits in when the little kids get on the bus, and when the big kids get on the bus to go home, well then, he’ll just have to sit right next to you and talk to you, now won’t he? Then you’ll find out what he and his friends talk about on the way home every day.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if he became like a big brother to you, little sister? In your eyes, it already seems like the moon and the stars were made for him. What if you were a part of his world, too – and he wanted you to be part of it?

It takes a lot of guts to say hello to someone you don’t know, and even more courage to introduce yourself to someone you look up to and admire. Those moments could just happen to be life changing, though…

And sometimes, you need your girlfriends to shove you forward to say hi because they know there’s no reason to be so shy around him.


One Response to “Too shy to pray (or, Jesus as an eighth grade football player)”

  1. vitaconsecrata Says:

    I’ve never thought of people being too shy to pray before…but it totally makes sense.
    You should get to know Him more…spend some time with Him. He died for you…He loves you so much! 🙂

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