Something has been nagging at me. I’ve fought all day to find out what it is. I feel disconnected – a very distinct feeling in contrast with the past week, being snuggled up close to God (and quite happy about it). I’ve no doubt that fear dug up from the past brought this on, but what keeps me from my Father now? Is it still fear, or is it pride, misplaced priorities, anger, sin, or something else entirely?
I’m catching up on my readings from the past few days, and one of the little devotional books discusses doubt in relation to Sunday’s gospel reading. I read, “Will you take resurrection risks? Will you have the courage to show your wounds?… Will you unlock your upper room of fear?”
And I stopped in my tracks.
Jesus had the courage – not quite the word I’m looking for – to show Thomas his wounds, in hopes that he might believe. And he did. He understood. He got it. His faith blossomed.
Do I have the courage to show Jesus my wounds, and the faith that he’ll understand I can’t get past this without him? Or am I hiding them from him in fear and doubt that he can do anything, doubt that He is who I know He is?
Why am I hiding?