These past few days have been exceptionally tough.
I’ll concede that sometimes things just happen. And sometimes the dark side is out to get you. I don’t do coincidence, so when a bunch of bad things happen right in a row and throw in a couple rounds of doubt (“do you really think your God is all He says He is? Where is He now?” etc..), I’m inclined to think more in terms of the latter. That way, it’s a little easier to figure out how to play defense.
Jesus quite literally came to me and said, “Trust me, trust in my mercy, with everything, and I promise you I will fix all of this.” I don’t think I understand how mercy fits into the equation, but after we talked, I understood the purpose behind all this. Even if it was an afterthought (there’s a puzzle – does God even have afterthoughts?), it served a purpose.
And I have learned…
…that at any moment, something material we hold dear down here, or everything we have, can be ripped away from us. (I have entertained the thought that those with nothing are truly blessed, because then all they have is God, and what greater blessing could there be than that?)
…that we need not be afraid of suffering a broken heart, because God is still with us in our pain and sorrow. He does not abandon us.
…that He blesses us when we ask for help.
…that there is a distinct difference between trusting yourself and trusting God.
…that “church” goes beyond the building. I would not have made it through these days without my faith family (you know who you are) — all of your prayers have been very much felt. I cannot thank you all enough for your support and encouragement. Thank you, thank you, thank you. On that note…
…prayer is so very powerful, and terribly underestimated.
I will be the first to admit that I have a fair weather prayer life, and I’ve known that for over a year now. Doubt creeps in, worry takes over, and prayer gets pushed aside. And what a tragedy, because of the wonderful things that happen — not things that might happen, but will happen, with the faith we have in our incredible, amazing God (and faith is the key)– because of prayer. God has literally had his hands all up in my life since I decided to trust him with this whole mess.
Not too long ago I went to mass one day during the week and Father mentioned something during the homily that’s stuck with me. He was talking about how we can make a difference with the small things we do in life and how prayer can turn them into great things. Ever since I heard that, I’ve been trying to figure out why I remember it so well and what I’m supposed to do with it. Maybe somebody is trying to tell me something.
But I think it has something to do with prayer.
I’m going to trust Him. I want to. I want to see what He will do if I run with this idea I have. I’m more curious to see if it’s on the lines of what He had in mind for me than anything else, but if something blossoms, well, what a blessing.
And I think I want to do a lot of walking with Jesus this summer.