Yesterday, it felt like everything tried to go wrong. I didn’t let it, but it pushed me to the point of losing my patience. Everyone from the kids to the daycare chef got onto me for things way out of my control.
When I got home, I was hungry. This is not unusual since I usually get home between 6:30 and 8 every night, and I tend to go for the easiest, most gratifying food in the house – in this case, cookies. Yummy, but nutritionally zilch. Even after I ate dinner, I was still hungry…just not for the food of this world.
I felt empty and alone. And hungry. There was one place I wanted to be – close to Jesus, and I certainly hoped he had something to eat. Something, anything, to make this gnawing emptiness go away.
I think I was a little too stubbornly independent, though, for what He had in mind.
Everything kept falling apart. I threw a fit. I got mad. I threw things. I told Him things I shouldn’t have. I shoved Him away. If He wasn’t going to stop this from happening, then it must be all His fault.
He came to me, wiped away my tears, and said, “You don’t understand that right now you can’t fully control how you feel. Things don’t make sense to you right now.” He scooped me into His lap and told me, “Hold onto Me, and trust that I will make it all come together for you. Because I will.”
It’s like watching a young child putting interlocking blocks together. They line up the pegs, not pegs to spaces, because that’s the only way they see that makes sense. We don’t have the insight and understanding to simply turn the block around; we try to make it fit until we explode in frustration. I think sometimes He allows this to teach us to think outside the proverbial box.
And other times, He allows it so that we end up bringing our independent, tantrum-throwing toddler selves back to Him.
We may be able to handle table food. Sometimes we bite off more than we can chew. Sometimes your food picks a fight with you and comes back up.
In that case, I’ve learned, there is no shame in letting the Lord feed you baby food for a while. But He’s going to want to feed you.
Eventually, you get hungry enough to let Him, and you realize you were hungry for His love, too.