Heart Shaped Stone

a one year old baby Catholic with a Rosary and she's not afraid to use it

Nine weeks, two days. June 27, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 8:21 pm

I haven’t been feeling good this week.

I’ve been very sneezy and I had an earache earlier this week. It’s too early to tell if I’m feeling better or on the brink of getting really sick.

It’s so funny how when I’m sick, it’s so easy to just flop into bed and sleep and forget about praying altogether. I’ve been slacking. Daddy says He misses talking to me.

I think we’re going to curl up and read together tonight.

Something really interesting happened to me yesterday morning. I woke up out of a sound sleep after having a dream so realistic I could feel it.

I don’t remember seeing anything in this dream other than a necklace in front of me. It seemed huge to me. It was silver, and I saw two oval medals hanging from the sides. In the middle there was a silver cross. I remember seeing the necklace swing toward me and away, and at one point I grabbed the cross in the middle.

I grabbed it and I felt it. It was heavy, and it was as big as my palm. I could feel the impression in my hand when I woke up, in my bed, with nobody but my cat.

My first thought was that it was my Daddy’s necklace. I don’t know why He would have one like that, but that was what I remember thinking before I rolled over to go back to sleep. The only other thing I can put together is that somebody was standing behind me, dangling this necklace in front of me, seeing if I could catch it. And either that cross was huge, or…my hand was very little.

In a realm that is not of this world, I think this is what I can do at nine weeks old. I sit up, I reach, and i grab. Very well, I think.

Down here, I find myself looking a lot. I look for my Mother and my Brother, and my heart smiles when I see them. It makes my day when something reminds me of them. I’m constantly making grabby hands for Jesus, and right now I’m so used to Him coming and picking me up that I can’t remember what life was ever like without Him.

But I am not unaware of what happens in the world around me. I am not blind to the things that people do or the choices people make. I just find myself making different choices because of who I am in His eyes. Just the idea of letting Him down or upsetting Him with something I do breaks my heart. It hurts me enough when I do something unintentionally or make a wrong choice.

My Daddy tells me I was born with a well-developed sense of sin.

I’m not sure what that means, but I know that if anything ever came between me and Him, it would tear me apart.

How did I ever live without You?


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