Heart Shaped Stone

a one year old baby Catholic with a Rosary and she's not afraid to use it

Fifteen weeks: Regression. August 7, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 4:32 pm

The past two weeks have been tough.

The past week has been miserable.

Any time I got with Daddy was between crying babies, injured toddlers, and relationship crises.

In other words, none.

I only made it to mass once last week.

My friend lost her brand new job.

I lost my favorite rosary.

My friends yell at me for my crises of faith, but apparently the unwritten rule is that I can’t yell at them when they have one. Or call them out for acting childish.

I should know better and stop being judgmental.

I’ve stopped trying to walk. I’ve decided not to pull up anymore or try to toddle. I’m not even going to crawl. Every time I do, somebody gets mad at me.

I stopped playing with my toys when I got home after mass. Daddy sat me on the floor to play, and I just cried.

Brother tried to get me to hold His hands and stand up, and I cried and pushed Him away.

Mama tried to pick me up and I wouldn’t let her.

Everything is wrong right now. Nothing fixes it. Pleading, praying, begging, trying. It’s futile.

Maybe I’m getting sick.

Brother bathed me in forgiveness, dressed me in grace, swaddled me in love, and wrapped me up in blessing. Daddy rocked me.

I cried the whole time.

Daddy put me to bed, thinking I didn’t feel well. “Maybe tomorrow will be better,” He said solemnly.

Brother seems upset. I thought I heard Daddy crying.

Maybe I’m getting really sick.

I have lost hope.

 

2 Responses to “Fifteen weeks: Regression.”

  1. Amanda Rose Says:

    Hold on to hope, dearest one. It is part of our spiritual journey that sometimes we do take a few steps backwards, or sit down for a few moments in the fit of a tantrum or exhaustion or who knows what. We just continue to trust that truly His hand does sustains us, as you have seen yourself. Tomorrow is a new day. Return to Him without regrets, knowing that even in this you are learning and that in pulling up once again you are strengthening spiritual muscles. HOPE! Hope always!

  2. Barb Says:

    It is moments such as this one that prove to be the most helpful when it comes to strengthening your faith. The best you can do is pray, leave it all to God, trust in Him, and never abandon Him. If it was meant to be easy, He wouldn’t have had to send his Son to save us. Yet, through his grace, we can overcome anything life throws at us. Be strong. Have Faith. Don’t be afraid to have a good cry. God loves you. Don’t forget that.


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