Growing up is difficult business.
There are a lot of parallels between the childhood type of growing up and growing up in faith. Life is joyful, bright, full of enthralled discovery, growing in love along with your family.
Then things get more confusing — we develop our own wants. We start to want things our way. We want our toys, our preference of food, our agenda, our plans to work in life. Just now as I was writing this, I was distracted by something someone else wanted me to do, and the first thing that crossed my mind was, “Really? I’m working on something. Why can’t I do what I want to do?”
In a word, we become selfish. In my case, I got proud, thinking that what I’m doing is more important than what else I could be doing, or what others are asking of me.
Looking back, I think I’ve been this way for a very long time.
I’ve been working on growing in selflessness. I am learning to find joy in serving others, and less pride in a job well done. I pray for guidance in doing the will of my Father and dread less the disasters that the day may hold. I question my dreams; instead of planning what I want my life to look like, I hold those sketches up to God’s plans and wonder, “Is that what you might have in mind for me? I know your plans are greater than mine, Lord.”
And I’m also learning my human limits. My body gets exhausted so much more quickly than my mind or my will. There are things I can’t control and things I can’t conquer on my own. Worrying about it doesn’t help at all.
I am human, and I can only do so much. I can’t do everything.
I have to learn to depend on God to do what I can’t.