Heart Shaped Stone

a one year old baby Catholic with a Rosary and she's not afraid to use it

Battle scars January 15, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 12:06 am

I have not written here in a long time. I’ve been busy.

I was going to try to start writing again, but I can’t. It’s like I’m stuck.

I realized that I haven’t talked to anybody about what’s happened in the past six months.

Then I realized that even if I did talk to somebody about it, they would never believe me.
Not even a priest would be likely to believe me.

That would be a miracle.

I don’t want people to think I’m crazy for things that have happened to me in absolute truth. At the same time, because I can’t tell anybody… I am completely alone.

I know the truth will be made known on the other side of Heaven. Until then, I have to deal with crippling anxiety on my own.

It’s like coming home from war. The battle is over, but I brought the war home with me. Nobody understands that. I want everything to be okay. I can rationalize that it -is- okay now.

I can’t stop the fear. Or the split second reactions that are more drastic than they should be.

Sometimes it feels like God has allowed all this to happen to me and just watched me, saying, “Ah, well, she’ll get over it eventually. She’ll be alright.”

I am drowning. I am reaching for help.

It’s just that nobody seems to care.


3 Responses to “Battle scars”

  1. Flos Domini Says:

    St. Teresa of Avila once said, in a moment of frustration, “Lord, if this is how You treat your friends, no wonder You have so few!” This is poor comfort, I know, but you are in good company. I am praying for you. Being Catholic isn’t easy. We all have our rough patches, but that’s how God shapes us into better images of Himself. I would encourage you to consider talking to a priest about your troubles and what has happened to you. Maybe behind a confessional screen if you are anxious about what he might say. It is the duty of priests to help the faithful when they need it.

  2. vitaconsecrata Says:

    people do care. you’re putting feelings/thoughts into other peoples’ minds. you can’t say that no one will believe you, unless of course they have told you that themselves.
    this is your blog and you are free to write whatever you want. always remember that.

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