Heart Shaped Stone

a one year old baby Catholic with a Rosary and she's not afraid to use it

Twenty two weeks and one. September 25, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 8:26 pm

My heart is on a deserted island and my cellphone is almost dead.

Hope is just a thing blown away in the breeze.

That is all.

 

Heavy. September 23, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 9:18 pm

I am a little more alone tonight.

I greeted the day with joy. I whisper goodbye to it in tears.

I have been abandoned.

I have been stolen from.

I hurt.

I am fighting alone.

It all just makes me a little more like Jesus.

Lord, come quickly.

 

Turning everything downside up. September 22, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 9:35 pm

My Father likes to chase me with ideas to get my attention.

I’ve had a question nagging at me. The big question that people unsure of God like to ask, and the faithful tend to scratch their heads and shrug at.

Why does our infinitely good, wonderful, loving God allow bad things to happen to us, the children he loves so dearly?

I used to shrug and say, “Things just happen.” There is no sense in them, no divine purpose. Some crazy things just happen.

I don’t think so anymore.

God is a fan of turning upside down things downside up. Taking a bad situation and making it work for good in some way.

God can take something destructive and cause it to lead you to blessing.

God can take something unfortunate and melt hardened hearts with it.

God can take loss and lead the change in the way you view life here and beyond.

God can take something terrifying and lead you to his Son.

He has with me.

I think sometimes we aren’t able to see the positive part of it because of the timing. It may take years for the negative to show up in your life as something He has transformed just for you.

But He will do it.

And even those challenges and struggles are faith builders we all need so much, as hard as they can be to handle.

He is faithful.

Never forget that.

 

Twenty one weeks and a day. September 18, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 5:38 pm

Growing up is difficult business.

There are a lot of parallels between the childhood type of growing up and growing up in faith. Life is joyful, bright, full of enthralled discovery, growing in love along with your family.

Then things get more confusing — we develop our own wants. We start to want things our way. We want our toys, our preference of food, our agenda, our plans to work in life. Just now as I was writing this, I was distracted by something someone else wanted me to do, and the first thing that crossed my mind was, “Really? I’m working on something. Why can’t I do what I want to do?”

In a word, we become selfish. In my case, I got proud, thinking that what I’m doing is more important than what else I could be doing, or what others are asking of me.

Looking back, I think I’ve been this way for a very long time.

I’ve been working on growing in selflessness. I am learning to find joy in serving others, and less pride in a job well done. I pray for guidance in doing the will of my Father and dread less the disasters that the day may hold. I question my dreams; instead of planning what I want my life to look like, I hold those sketches up to God’s plans and wonder, “Is that what you might have in mind for me? I know your plans are greater than mine, Lord.”

And I’m also learning my human limits. My body gets exhausted so much more quickly than my mind or my will. There are things I can’t control and things I can’t conquer on my own. Worrying about it doesn’t help at all.

I am human, and I can only do so much. I can’t do everything.

I have to learn to depend on God to do what I can’t.

 

Twenty weeks and three days. September 13, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 8:13 pm

I don’t know about you, but my life is intense right now. Every day, every moment for the past several weeks, has been intense. Blink-and-miss-something intense. Pray hard but don’t have any words besides gibberish and “help me” when you pray.

I had choir rehearsal last Wednesday at the cathedral. What an amazingly talented group of people – this feels, musically speaking, like stepping up from middle school choir to high school honor choir. I sang with them on Sunday – a way different experience than I’m used to. I couldn’t hear anyone but my section in that cramped balcony, but I was told we sounded excellent. I trust my friends….and I miss my little small church choir all the more.

I almost knew everybody’s name when we fell apart. Now I have to start all over, and find a robe that isn’t too big for me.

And I went to confession today.

Confession is really hard when you have a hearing problem and the priest is really impatient. I have no idea what he told me… I just said “Yes, Father” to everything. And then got a ton of penance.

Maybe I really was just that bad this past month.

What’s to say my Father isn’t impatient and frustrated with me, too?

I catch myself wondering if He would…be happier with me if I were quieter, if I didn’t bother Him as much. If I tried harder not to sin and just kept to myself. If I listened to Him and kept quiet the rest of the time.

Because I am not worthy to be called His child.

I don’t even know if I’m forgiven for what I did.

But I would rather scrub the floors in His house as an orphan, too ashamed to even ask His forgiveness, than stay a day longer in a place where the Lord and his laws are not.

Why should He be mindful of me?

 

Nineteen weeks and two days. September 5, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 7:23 pm

Our choir director left.

We had a tropical storm this weekend, so I went to mass at another church. And I may end up singing in the choir there.

I don’t want to leave my “home” church, but maybe this is what needs to happen.

The Lord and I are walking together a lot more lately.

Learning to trust Him is so hard when you’re a control freak.

I need your prayers…for this, and for so much more.

 

Surviving a tropical storm (or other hurricane-like thing): Baby Catholic edition September 4, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kortni @ 5:51 pm

I know I need to write a nineteen week update, but I’m in the middle of Tropical Storm Lee (which is nothing to write home about….wait, I am home) and some of you guys went through Irene and may be affected by Katia. I just wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned over the years… And some of this should be common sense to you guys.

1. If you live close to coastal waters, get inland. Seriously. Rule number one: listen to the warnings. Katrina still haunts us down here in Louisiana because so many people didn’t.

2. Get ready. Prepare for at least three to five days without power. Know if you’re in an area prone to flooding. Get batteries and food at least two days before everyone else will think about it. You will want a radio to find out what’s going on when everything else has gone down. Fill up your car and keep it full. If you have to get out in bad weather, it helps to have a few extra pounds in your car – a bag of potting soil or cat food in the trunk. Have enough medication for the storm. And do your laundry.

3. If you’re evacuating, please, people, don’t leave your pets behind. If you’re not, keep them inside.

4. Secure things outside that might blow or be damaged by falling debris and trees. If you can park your car in a garage or enclosure, do it.

5. If the area you live in tends to flood even moderately, a pair of wading boots is a good investment.

6. Charge your stuff. Cellphone, Kindle, iPad, you know.

6.5. If you have a friend out of town who can monitor the weather for you and keep you up to date thru text messaging, let them know exactly where you live. Knowing about a tornado warning when radio stations have gone down could be life saving.

7. If you’re running a portable generator, keep it away from the house, with the exhaust pointing away from windows. Carbon monoxide can kill you in your sleep. Refuel the generator only when it’s cooled down. Have your fuel supply full beforehand, of course. If the extension cord you’re using feels hot on the cord or the plug, you’re trying to pull too much power through it and it’s a fire hazard. Use a cord with a higher power rating, and the shorter the cord the less voltage you will lose over the cord’s distance. Having a window unit air conditioner run by a generator was a blessing during our last hurricane, but even with 5kw of generator power, it wasn’t enough to run the unit without overheating the cord. Aim high with your wattage if you buy one. And watch your oil levels.

8. Permanent, whole-house standby generators are safer than portable generators. Again, stay clear of the exhaust, and make sure everything is in working order before the storm hits. If you’re considering a whole house generator, think about the chance of flooding too. Ours is on a foot of cinder blocks to keep water away from the engine. As a side note, if you live in the south and have a whole house unit, “quiet mode” for the weekly exerciser will kill your generator engine – it has something to do with the humidity/air pressure down here and how it affects natural gas combustion. Change it to normal mode or get your contractor/maintenance people to do it for you.

9. Stock up on things to do for you and the kids if you have any. Books, puzzles, games… Our family tradition is putting coins in rolls. Pray the rosary as a family. Have a Bible study night. Life without power gets boring pretty quickly.

10. Pray. Whenever a storm hits, there is always a reason to pray.

Did I miss anything?